How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What happened to fro yo and sex?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
