I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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