i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
