I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
