to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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