so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
