Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
