Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
