So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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