Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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