it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
