Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
