the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
