So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
