I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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