bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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