just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
