Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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