Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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