I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
