I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
