Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
