I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
