i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
