Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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