First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My bed smells like the plague
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
