everyone is single if you try hard enough
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
