hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
