i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
