She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
