K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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