We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
