just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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