She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's Friday. Sex?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
