I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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