So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
