Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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