Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
