i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
