my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
