Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
