we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
