There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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