As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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