is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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