omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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