If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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