We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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