i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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