Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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