I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
