I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
