I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
