i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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