Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
